I've continued to dig deep into my soul, study tantric lifestyle (bellavita.network). Some days I do feel like a dog chasing my tail without any type of progress. Those days are frustrating. I've been talking to several men I met on dating sites. I'm sure it's somewhat frustrating for them when it doesn't turn into a one night stand or the like but to learn about me, I realized I have to learn more about them.
Over the past several weeks and months, I've become disheartened at the prospects. It seemed like most we only out for sex and that need for instant gratification made them less than appealing. Then I thought "what is it about me that men don't see, need or want?" I talked to a couple of guys who I have maintained friendship with while they are out looking and hooking up with women.
Today the light dawned clear. While healing, learning and becoming the best of myself, I stopped being able to settle. Although I didn't realize that is what I was doing, I look back and see I took the easy way - accepted every bit and made it out to be something it wasn't in order to appease my need to be loved. On some level I thought I wasn't meant for love so the tiniest crumb was eaten up as though it were the finest dining experience. To expect better was "arrogant". Who was I to expect the best ...but it's not something you gain access to by being the most beautiful; the smartest; the kindest or whatever the measure is by someone else's standard. Each of us does deserve a person in our life who will care for, respect and treat us kindly.
If we don't expect the best for ourselves, then who will? We talk about self-love and self-care - yet if someone expresses their desire for better or expect it, they are called selfish, arrogant, delusional, hard to love...but that's what people that don't want to put forth the effort because we aren't the person meant for them. Maybe they just want what's easy too so making us feel less, is a way to get someone who is more than is meant for them.
So to this I say -seek out your vibe. The person whose energy matches to you or whose crazy complements your crazy - however you want to phrase it. Because it's never wrong to expect someone to treat you good and to be happy with. It's not always personal -good people can be together and not work out because they don't fit together. Don't be less in order to make someone else feel like more. You aren't doing them or yourself any favors!!
Namaste!
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